The Misadventures of Cloud and Sephiroth
by demonoftheblackflames
Summary: UPDATED! CHAPTER 6! CLOUD AND SEPHIROTH GO TO THE MOVIES!
1. the rope

THE MISADVENTURES

OF

CLOUD AND SEPHIROTH

Dbf: HEY EVERYONE!!!! I'm working like a busy little bee on my other stories, but in the mean time....enjoy this little story I thought up....I dedicate this story to one of my most bestest friends in the whole wide world!!!!

WARNING: Nothing much to be warned about in this chapter except for a few swear words.

CHAPTER ONE: THE ROPE

Sephiroth and Cloud were walking on the vast grasslands surrounding Chocobo Ranch. A chocobo ran past Cloud.

"Oohhhh!!!!" Cloud screamed. He started chasing it.

"CLOUD GET YOUR MORONIC ASS BACK HERE!!!!" Sephiroth yelled.

"SHUT UP I'M HAVIN FUN HERE!!" Cloud yelled. The chocobo ran into the ranch. "COME BACK MY PRETTY CHOCOBO!!!!" Cloud screamed. Sephiroth shook his head, muttered "idiot", and walked after Cloud. Sephiroth arrived just in time to see the chocobo jump over the fence and Cloud run into it.

"Ow...." Cloud said falling down. Sephiroth just laughed a bit. He walked over to Cloud and knelt down. Sephiroth hit the side of Cloud's face softly.

"Cloud..Cloud..WAKE UP YOU MORON!!!!" Sephiroth practically screamed in Cloud's ear.

"....but mommy....i wanted bacon bits....not crutons...." Cloud said in a babyish type voice. Sephiroth stared at Cloud and sweatdropped. He sat Cloud up against the fence. Sephiroth then reached into his pocket and pulled out a long rope. He dangled it infront of Cloud's face.

"Huh....that's not a bacon bit...." Cloud said.

"It's called a rope, Cloud...." Sephiroth said. Cloud's eyes widened. Cloud reached for the rope. Sephiroth pulled it away.

"Hey!" Cloud said.

"You wanna catch a chocobo?" Sephiroth said. Cloud nodded rapidly.

"Let me show you...." Sephiroth said. He got up and walked away. Cloud got up and followed Sephiroth. They reached the outside of the ranch.

"Watch and learn!" Sephiroth said. Cloud folded his arms and kept his eyes on Sephiroth. Sephiroth positioned himself a few feet away from a chocobo. He made the rope into a lasso and twirled it in the air. Cloud yawned.

"I'm waiting...." he said.

"Shut up...." Sephiroth said as he let the lasso got. A few minutes later Sephiroth reeled in the chocobo.

"See...." Sephiroth said.

"Wow...." Cloud said "You're good!!!!" Sephiroth laughed a little.

"....I know....Now you try...." Sephiroth said releasing the chocobo from the lasso. He handed the lasso to Cloud. "Lets see if you can do any better!!" Cloud just snatched the rope away from Sephiroth.

"Heh....trust me I can do much better than you!! You jsut watch the master!!" Cloud said walking toward the flock of chocobos. He placed himself far away from them and twirled the lasso above his head. He then let it go. Sephiroth just had his eyes glued on the rope. A few minutes later they heard a scream.

"WHAT THE HELL!!!!"

Cloud reeled in the "victim." Sephiroth looked at the person. He walked over to Cloud and smacked him upside the head.

"Watch the master huh....you were supposed to reel in a chocobo!! Does that look liike a chocobo to you!?" Sephiroth screamed.

"....Uh yes?" Cloud replied.

"YOU IDIOT! THAT'S NOT A CHOCOBO....THAT'S VINCENT!!!!" Sephiroth said.

"Well..maybe he's a chocobo in disguise!!!!" Cloud said. Sephiroth just rolled his eyes and let Vincent loose.

"No!!!! What's wrong with you!? You let the evil chocobo escape!!" Cloud said running after Vincent. Sephiroth sweatdropped.

"....Idiot...." he said lassoing Cloud. Cloud fell to the ground with a loud thump.

"Hey!" Cloud said "I'm not a chocobo"

Sephiroth sighed. "No comment...." he said.

Dbf: Well that's it for the first chapter!!!! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it!!!! Well let me know what ya think!!!!


	2. the tree fort

THE MIDADVENTURES

OF

CLOUD AND SEPHIROTH

Dbf: Hey ya'll!!!! I'm back with another chapter!!!! I hope you enjoy one!!!!

Disclaimer: ONCE AGAIN I OWN NOTHING OF FINAL FANTASY OR ANYTHING FINAL FANTASY RELATED WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WARNING: When Cid enters there will be a lot of swearing....but other then that its safe!!

CHAPTER TWO: THE TREE FORT

"Sephiroth! Sephiroth! Sephiroth! Sephiroth! Sephiroth! Sephiroth! Sephiroth!" Cloud yelled while bouncing up and down. "Sephiroth! Sephiroth! Sephiroth!" Sephiroth's eyes twitched. "Sephiroth! Sephiroth! Sephiroth!" Sephiroth finally got so fed up that he spun around and started yelling.

"CLOUD WILL YOU SHUT YOUR BIG TRAP! I HAVE THE HUGEST HEADACHED IN THE WORLD AND YOUR CONSTANT MOTOR MOUTH ISN'T HELPING!!!!" Sephiroth yelled. Cloud blinked a few times.

"But....we've been walking for hours, i'm tired, I have to go to the bathroom, and I want my bacon bit sundae...." Cloud yelled. Sephiroth just stared at him.

"One..too bad, two..there's a tree, and three....WHAT THE HELL!?!?" Sephiroth said. He continued walking forward.

"But Sephiroth....i'm bored...." Cloud whined. Sephiroth threw a sledgehammer over his shoulders and towards Cloud.

"Here....have fun ad leave me alone...." Sephiroth said. Cloud caught the hammer and looked at it. A few minutes later Sephiroth felt something hard hit the back of his head.

"Ow!! What the hell!!" Sephiroth yelled. He turned towards Cloud. "Are you trying to get yourself killed!!" Sephiroth threw the hamer down at Cloud's feet.

"But what am I supposed to do with this?" Cloud asked picking up the hammer.

"I don't care!! Just don't throw it at me!!"

Cloud pondered for a brief moment. Sephiroth laid underneath a tree to rest.

"Finally some peace and quiet!" he said as he closed his eyes. Moments later Sephiroth heard a shrill noise and got up. His eyes widened when he saw a big box of tools and Cloud with a powerdrill.

"Cloud! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sephiroth yelled. Cloud didn't hear him over the powerdrill. Sephiroth's eye twitched as he slowly got up. He made his way towards Cloud. When he got there he snatched the powerdrill out of Cloud's hands, turned it off, and whacked Cloud upside the head with it.

"What the hell's wrong with you....What do you think you're doing!?!?" Sephiroth questioned.

"BUILDING A TREE FORT!!!!" Cloud responded.

"But you failed shop class!" Sephiroth said.

"Hey! Paper was once bark....which is wood....which is turned into paper!!!!" Cloud said.

"I rest my case...." Sephiroth said.

"Hey! That paper table was a genius idea!!" Cloud said. Sephiroth slapped a hand to his face and slowly dragged it down while shaking his head. He looked toards what Cloud started. Sephiroth sweatdropped as he pointed to Cloud's contraption.

"What....is that!?" Sephiroth said.

"A TREE FORT!!!!" Cloud responded.

That's not a tree fort!! That's just a pile of trees...." Sephiroth snatched the hammer out of Cloud's hands.

"Let a pro show ya how its done!!!!" Sephiroth said as he chopped the trees into boards. A few seconds later Cid walked out of Rocket Town. A nail immediatly hit cid on the head.

"SHIT!!!!" he screamed. Cid looked up and saw the fort. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!?!?"

Cloud noticed Cid and walke dup to him.

"Hey Cid what do ya think of the tree fort?" cloud asked.

"A tree fort...." Cid said.

"Yup! Pretty cool huh!!" Cloud said.

"A....tree fort...." Cid repeated.

"Uh....yeah...." Cloud said.

"A fuckin' tree fort!!!! Do you realize how much this fucking disgraces Rocket Town!?!?" Cid screamed. "So why don't you take your fucking tools and move your fucking asses over by Bone Village or something and go build your damn fort over there somewhere!!!! Cid spat out.

Just then Sephiroth jumped down from the fort. He was carrying a single board, a box of nails, and a hammer. He walked over to Cloud.

"Hey Cloud....since you made an attempt....a pathetic attempt....but still....i'll give you the honor of nailing in the last board...." Sephiroth said.

"Uh....are your sure?!" Cloud asked.

"JUST DO IT!!!!" Sephiroth demanded shoving the material towards Cloud. Cloud shrugged and took the materials.

"Okay...." he said running towards the tree fort. Sephiroth noticed Cid.

"Hey Cid....What do ya think!?" Sephiroth asked.

"I think its a fucking piece of shit...." Cid said. Sephiroth just glared at Cid.

"Geez....aren't you a bright one...." Sephiroth said flatly. Cloud finished hammering the last floor board on the tree fort.

"Hey Sephiroth! I'm done ! Why don't you come test it!!!!"

"Um....thanks but I wanna keep my life....you're brave Cid....You go...." Sephiroth said shoving Cid towards the fort.

"Okay! Okay! I'll fuckin' do it!!!!" Cid said as he climbed up the ladder. He walked back and forth across the floor. Sephiroth turned around and covered his eye .

"I can't watch this!!!!" he said. Suddenly Sephiroth heard a loud scream. "I knew it!!!!" Sephirtoh said. "I'll go call the city mourge...."

"Hey Sephiroth! Check it out!!!!" Cloud said.

"I'd rater not!!" Sephiroth said. Cloud ran behind Sephiroth and turned him back around while holding Sephiroth's hands to his side.

"Hold....but what happened....I calculated everything perfectly and....well....what happened...." Sephiroth said as he stared at the tree fort. Basicaly the only thing that was left of the tree fort was the single floor board that Cloud has nailed himself.

"If you ask me I think you shouldn've been the one to fail shop class!!" Cloud said.

"Oh shut up!!!!" Sephiroth said. Cid slowly got up while glaring at Sephiroth.

"I'm so gonna kick you're fucking ass!!!!" Cid screamed running after Sephiroth.

"Uh Cid....wait....maybe we can talk this out...." Sephiroth said. Cid said nothing. He just kept running towards Sephiroth. Sephiroth screamed and started cahsing Cloud.

"I'm gonna kill you Cloud!!!!" Sephiroth said.

....And with that said Sephiroth, Cid, and Cloud lived happily ever after.

Dbf: HEY!!!! I HOPE YOU PEOPLE ENJOYED IT!!!! The next chapter should be up soon!! I'm working on it as you read this!!!! It should be up by the end of this week.


	3. the emu

Dbf: HI YA'LL!!!! I'M BACK AND WITH A NEW CHAPTER!!!!

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING WHATSOEVER!!!!....Well now that that's all cleared up....ON WITH THE STORY!!!!

CHAPTER THREE: THE EMU

WARNING: Um....few swear words and use of guns....but no one gets hurt....but other than that i'd say its PG. WELL ENJOY!!!!

Cloud and Sephiroth were walking in a random forest. They both had their shotguns flung over their shoulders. They were wearing these weird hunting hats that have the flaps that hang down and are a stupid plaid color like red and green or something like that. Then they had on camouflage sleeveless shirts with camouflage coats over them. Well Cloud wore his over his shirt while Sephiroth just tied his around his waist showing off his arms. They both had on camoflauge pants and big brown combat boots. Sephiroth had a sterling necklace around his neck with a saber tooth tigers actual tooth hanging from it.

"Hey Sephiroth....Why do we have to wear these goofy ass hats anyway.... I mean their stupid and ugly and....IT'S GIVING ME HAT HAIR!!!! And they totally clash with the camouflage!!!!" Cloud complained. "Plus these boots weigh a ton....it's like wearing ten ton bricks on your feet...." Sephiroth takes off Cloud's hat and points his gun to Cloud's head.

"Hey!!" Cloud said.

"One....You'll wear this hat if you don't want to get shot....and two....IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TO GET HAT HAIR!!!!" Sephiroth said. "Now shut up!!!!" Sephiroth took the gun away from Cloud's head.

"What the hell are we hunting again?" Cloud said.

"You if you don't shut the hell up...." Sephiroth said cautiously looking around. Cloud just started to look around randomly. Sephiroth suddenly stopped. Cloud bumped into him.

"Hey what's the big...."

"God....Cloud for the seven hundredth time shut your yap...." Sephiroth yelled in a loud whisper. He pointed his gun in a certain direction and looked through the target hole thingy. "Aha!" Sephiroth said quietly. Cloud looked in the direction that Sephiroth had his gun pointed at. Cloud looked at his gun.

"How does this thing work anyway...." he said looking into the gun hole. Sephiroth was about to pull the trigger on his gun. Suddenly Cloud accidently pulled the trigger on his own gun and gunpowder flew into his face. He started coughing like mad. Suddenly the emu that Sephiroth was trying to shoot dashed away at the sound of the gun. Sephiroth growled a little as the gun slowly fell out of his hand.

"....Cloud...." Sephiroth said as he slowly turned around.

"Hey....Uh....Sephiroth is it just me or does something smell a little funky...." Cloud asked. Sephiroth just rolled his eyes. He walked slowly towards Cloud and took a deep breath. Then he slapped Cloud upside the head.

"YOU GOD DAMN FUCKING MORON!!!! CAN'T I TURN MY BACK FOR ONE MINUTE WITHOUT YOU SCREWING EVERYTHING UP!!!! YOU JUST LOST US OUR DINNER!!!!" Sephiroth said. Cloud gulped.

"....D....Dinner...." he said.

"Yeah....I"m trying out this new dish and it calls for spleen of emu..so.." Sephiroth explained.

"..Oh..eww..that's disgusting!! I"m never eating your cooking again!!" Cloud yelled.

"Yeah..well you ate like eight helpings of the dish that I prepared last night!" Sephiroth said.

"Well yeah!! Cause it was good and it didn't make me gag!" Cloud said.

"Liver of Zebra...." Sephiroth said. Cloud slowly turned a light shade of green. Cloud then held up a finger.

"....Excuse me while I go puke my brains out...." Cloud said as he walked off. Suddenly Sephiroth noticed something from the corner of his eye. He immediately picked up his gun. The emu had come back. Sephiroth aimed his gun at the defenseless animal. Cloud returned and saw this.

"NOOOO!!!!" he screamed as he lept on Sephiroth knocking him down. At the same time Sephiroth's gun went off and a bullet pierced the tree bark right above the emu. Sephiroth growled once more as he slowly got up shoving Cloud off of him.

"CLOUD!!!!" Sephiroth yelled as the emu ran off once again. "Cloud....I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!"

"Why can't you cook normal dishes..like spaghetti and bacon?" Cloud asked.

"I did make bacon remember.." Sephiroth answered.

"I'm afraid to know what you used to make that....a rabbit or something...." Cloud said.

"Nope....that was...."

"STOP!! I DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW!!!!" Cloud interrupted. Just then they heard a noise. There was a lot of rustling coming from the distance.

"What the...." Cloud said. Sephiroth's eyes widened all of a !!!!" Sephiroth yelled grabbing Cloud's arm.

"Why?" Cloud asked wrenching his arm away from Sephiroth's strong grip. Suddenly a stampede of emus came charging toward the two guys. Cloud's eyes widened.

"..S....Sephiroth....WAIT FOR ME!!!!" Cloud yelled running after Sephiroth. Cloud suddenly saw a bullet rushing towards him. "AHHHH!!!!" He screamed as he dodged the bullet. "SEPHIROTH ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?"

"QUICK....SHOOT!!!!" Sephiroth instructed while running. Cloud pulled the trigger and shot his gun.

"SHIT!!!! NOT AT ME YOU IDIOT!!!! AT THE DAMN EMU!!!!" Sephiroth screamed.

"Oh....Well why didn't you say so?" Cloud yelled while shooting a bullet at the stampede of emus.

"Baka...." Sephiroth muttered to himself as he continued running. The emus were dodging ALL the bullets.

"Damn....they're good!!" Cloud said.

"DON'T TALK....JUST SHOOT!!!!" Sephiroth yelled as he shot a bullet. Suddenly a motorcycle appeared out of nowhere and landed in front of Sephiroth.

"AHHHH!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!" Sephiroth yelled as he once again skidded to a stop. Cloud once again bumped into Sephiroth.

"Hey!!" Cloud said.

"The person on the motrorcycle flipped on a switch. Suddenly the emus started making noises and fleeing away like crazy Sephiroth and Cloud watched as they fled. After all the emus were gone they turned their attention back to the person on the motorcycle.

"Um....thanks....who are you anyway?" Cloud asked. The person took off his helmet loose silver hair fell messily around their head. The male figure shook his head to get his hair back into place.

"....K....Kadaj...." Cloud said.

"....B....but....how?" Sephiroth asked.

"Oh....simple really....when I bought this bike I had an emu alarm installed....just incase....ya know....It emits this piercing sound that only emus can hear....kinda like for deer only this once is for emus!!!!" Kadaj said. He looked at Sephiroth. "Uh..Why do you look so pitiful...." Kadaj asked Sephiroth.

"....I never got my emu...." Sephiroth said.

"Uh....: Kadaj said.

"This new disgusting recipe he wanted to try to make called for spleen of emu." Cloud shuddered as he explained this to Kadaj.

"OH MY GOSH!!!! I LOVE EMU!!!! IT IS SO GOOD!!!!" Kadaj said. Sepiroth looked at him.

"You do?" he said puzzled.

"Yeah! Are you kidding?!" I have a whole entire freezer full of emu products!!!!" Kadaj said. "Just this morning I had emu bacon!!!!" Kadaj said. Cloud started turning green once again.

"WHAT KIND OF FREAKIN' SICKOS ARE YOU!!!!" Cloud yelled. Kadaj looked at Sephiroth.

"Uh....Sephiroth....are you....uh....doin' okay...." Kadaj said waving a hand in front of Sephiroth's face.

I think i'm in love...." Sephiroth said as he stared dreamily at Kadaj.

"Uh...." Kadaj said. Cloud slapped a hand to his face.

"....Oh brother...." Cloud said as he dragged his hand down.

"Uh....wanna cook dinner with me later...." Kadaj said a bit scared.

"....Sure...." Sephiroth said in a daze. Sephiroth then fainted.

"Cloud just rolled his eyes.

"Put him on my bike...." Kadaj instructed. Cloud lifted Sephiroth on to the bike.

"God....What does he eat...." Cloud said. Kadaj leaned back and put a helmet on Sephiroth.

"Cloud....put Sephiroth's arms around my waist ....will ya?" Kadaj asked. Cloud did so. As soon as Cloud let go Kadaj stepped on the gas petal and sped away.

"THANKS!!!!" Kadaj called out.

"NO PROBLEM!!!!" Cloud called back. Suddenly he felt something warm on his back.

"Huh...." Cloud said as he turned around. His eyes widened when he saw the emu breathing on him.

"AHHHH!!!! KILLER EMU!!!! WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS!!!!" Cloud yelled while running after Kadaj and Sephiroth.

DBF: Well that's all for this chapter!!!! Hope y'all enjoyed it!!!!

Cloud: AHHHH!!!! HELP ME!! HELP ME!!

DBF: (rolls her eyes)

Kadaj: What's wrong with him....

DBF and Kadaj: (suddenly see Sephiroth chasing Cloud in an emu costume....)

DBF and Kadaj: (sweat drop)

DBF: Heh....well....R&R!!!!

Kadaj: (currently chasing Sephiroth with a net)


	4. abducted by chibis

DBF: HI Y'ALL I'm back and with another chapter of The misadventures of Cloud and Sephiroth!

I was reading my reviews one day and I came upon one that triggered an idea in my head:

Rotharell Jenova  
anonymous

EMU! ...ah, those kriters are cute! Also some slight Yaoi in there! We, I want another chapter, only with more Kadaj, Yazoo, or Loz!

DBF: So Chapter five will be a special edition chapter dedicated to Rotharell Jenova for their request! And for giving me an idea!

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY PART OF FINAL FANTASY WHATSOEVER!

CHAPTER 4:

ABDUCTED BY CHIBIS

Cloud was walking around his neighborhood one clear dark night. Cloud sighed.

"I need to get a hold of myself! I mean...it wasn't my fault I blew up the kitchen..." Cloud said. "Vincent's the one that told me to bake the chicken in the tin foil..." Suddenly, Cloud heard an odd noise. "...Huh..." he said as he looked around in random directions. "..Hmph..I must just be hearing things.." Cloud sighed. "...Again..." Some eerie music began to play in the background. "...Okay...Now this is getting freaky..." Cloud said. Cloud heard a loud thump somewhere. Cloud jumped. "...Okay...What the HELL was that?" Cloud said. He began walking in the direction that the noise came from. Cloud suddenly stopped. "What the..." Cloud said as he saw a black sillouette of something in the distance. He slowly walked towards it. Suddenly something jumped out at Cloud and startled him. Cloud jumped back.

"What the hell..." he said. Something grabbed Cloud from the back. Cloud suddenly found himself flying.

"Ooh! This is fun! Wait a minute...I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS! AHHHH! PUT ME DOWN!" Cloud yelled. Cloud soon spotted a flying saucer. His eyes widened. "Hey..Um...where are you taking me?" Cloud asked. The person just remained silent. Suddenly the person carrying Cloud poked him with something. Cloud immediately felt really drowsy. His eyelids became heavy and started closing slowly.

Cloud woke up a few minutes later.

"Hey...where am I?" Cloud asked. His eyes wandered around the flying saucer. His eyes widened when he saw a HUGE group of chibi Sephiroths. Half of the chibis had machettis the other half were armed with probes. They started walking slowly towards Cloud. "Heh...nice...Chibi's...heh...you don't wanna eat me..." Cloud said as he laughed nervously.

"Why not?" The leader of the chibis asked.

"Because...I taste like chicken!" Cloud said. The leader of the chibis licked his lips.

"I like chicken..." he said. Cloud's eyes widened. "CHIBIS ATTACK!" the leader of the chibis ordered. Then the group of chibis ran towards Cloud and surrounded him from both sides. One of the chibis lifted up the probe. The probe was rushing towards Cloud's ass. When the probe got stuck in it's target Cloud screamed.

Cloud shot up. He looked around his room rapidly.

"Oh phew it was just a dream!" Cloud said relieved. Just then Sephiroth came in with Kadaj riding on his back.

"Hey Cloud...we made some emu bacon...you want some?" Sephiroth asked. Kadaj was too busy poking Sephiroth's neck.

"Kadaj...Could you stop doing that?" Sephiroth asked.

"...But you're so pokeable!" Kadaj said as he continued poking Sephiroth. Sephiroth just sighed.

"So Cloud...What'll it be?" Sephiroth asked. Cloud then noticed the spatchula in Sephiroth's hand. The spatchula slightly resembled a probe. Cloud's eyes widened and he started screaming. He got out of bed and ran towards Sephiroth.

"Um...Cloud...are you okay?" Sephiroth asked.

"GET AWAY YOU EVIL ALIEN!" Cloud yelled as he rammed Sephiroth. Sephiroth stumbled out of the room and tripped down the stairs. Cloud dug in his pocket for a piece of materia. Sephiroth and Kadaj reached the end of the stairs and fell down. Kadaj ended up on top of Sephiroth and kissed his neck. Then he continued his poking. Sephiroth was banging his head on the ground since Kadaj was sitting on his back.

"Kadaj...could you please get off of me?" Sephiroth asked.

"NO! Besides...I like sitting on you..." Kadaj said. Sephiroth let out a long sigh. Just then Cloud was running down the stairs. However, he was running at such a force that when he saw Sephiroth and Kadaj he couldn't stop.

"AHHHH!" Cloud screamed. He tripped on the second to last stair and ended up flying through the air and landing on top of Kadaj. However, he landed with so hard that even Sephiroth could feel the pain.  
"GOD DAMMIT CLOUD!" Sephiroth screamed. Even though Cloud landed directly on Kadaj, Kadaj didn't feel the pain because he was too absorbed in poking Sephiroth. Sephiroth gave up on banging his head and was now tapping his fingers on the wooden floor.

"...Why me?" Sephiroth said.

DBF: Well hope this chapter y'all enjoyed this chapter!

Please Review and stay tuned for the next chapter which will be a special edition chapter!

Sephiroth: NO! NOT MORE TORTURE!

DBF: Oh Cloud!

Sephiroth: NOOOO! ANYTHING BUT HIM! runs past Kadaj

Kadaj: blink blink Hey...WAIT FOR ME!

Sephiroth and Kadaj run around the corner

Cloud: blink blink Hey where'd they go?


	5. the date

DBF: Hey all! Sorry this took so long…I took a break for a little bit cause you see I wrote this chapter before but then I lost it so I hope that this will be just as good as the original! I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING FROM FINAL FANTASY WHATSOEVER! Now on with the story!

THE MISADVENTURES OF CLOUD AND SEPHIROTH

CHAPTER 5:

THE DATE

Sephiroth got ready for his date with Kadaj. He wore a nice black tuxedo. He just got out of the shower like two hours ago. His hair was still a bit damp. Meanwhile across the way Yazoo was looking out of the window through a pair of binoculars.

"Hmmm…" he said.

"I'm bored…" Loz said.

"Wanna play cards?" Yazoo asked.

"Nah…" Loz replied. Suddenly Yazoo's walkie talkie picked up something.

"Come in! Come in! Chocobo head to he-she and crybaby! I repeat chocobo head to he-she and crybaby!" Cloud said. Loz grabbed the walkie talkie.

"I AM NOT A CRYBABY!" he said. Yazoo and Cloud just laughed a little bit.

"So what's up?" Yazoo asked.

"Meet me at my place and I'll explain!" Cloud said.

"Right! Over and out!" Yazoo said. "Come on Loz! We're going to Cloud's house!"

"Huh? Why?" Loz said confused.

"Don't know…" Yazoo said as he grabbed his brother's hand and ran with him out the front door. Just then Kadaj came out of the bathroom.

"Hey Yazoo…Huh? Where'd he go? And Loz?" Kadaj just shrugged. "Oh well" he said then went back to brushing his wetish hair.

Ten minutes later:

Yazoo and Loz walked up to Cloud's house. Yazoo rang the doorbell. Cloud opened the window in his room and sent down a little pail.

"Hop in you guys!" Cloud said. Yazoo and Loz looked at the small pail.

"You're kidding right…" Loz said.

"…No…" Cloud said.

"Just open up the front door!" Yazoo said. Cloud shrugged.

"Whatever…" he said. A few moments later the front door opened.

"So what's your idea?" Yazoo asked. Cloud invited them inside.

"Well you see I figured…" Cloud started.

Ten more minutes later:

"THAT'S BRILLIANT!" Yazoo screamed with joy.

"Well…It's better than being bored…" Loz said.

8:30 P.M.

Sephiroth went to pick up Kadaj at his place. Kadaj was waiting outside. Sephiroth pulled up in his car. Kadaj walked over to it and opened the door.

"Hey…" Sephiroth said.

"Hey…" Kadaj replied. Sephiroth drove away. A few moments later they arrived at the restaurant. Sephiroth parked the car and they both got out. Cloud, Loz, and Yazoo weren't far behind.

"Why do I have to be the girl! These fishnets are killing me!" Yazoo said.

"Oh stop complaining!" Loz said.

"Oh that's easy for you to say! You don't have to wear a freakin' dress!" Yazoo said.

"Calm down! Geez! I had to mug a waitress to get this outfit so let's just go!" Cloud said while adjusting the water balloons he had strapped to his chest. He also adjusted his wig. Yazoo adjusted his too.

Sephiroth and Kadaj were just getting seated when Cloud, Yazoo, and Loz came in. Cloud went on ahead and into the kitchen.

"Yes?" The hostess said.

"Two please…" Loz said.

"Sure…Right this way!" the hostess said. She sat them diagonally from Sephiroth and Kadaj. Pretty soon Cloud came out of the kitchen and walked over to Sephiroth and Kadaj's table. He disguised his voice.

"What can I get for you?" Cloud said. Sephiroth looked at the "waitress" weirdly.

"Um…Yes…We'll have hot tea please…" Sephiroth ordered.

"Coming up!" Cloud said. Later he came out with a thing of hot tea and two tea cups. Cloud tripped over something and the hot tea went flying and landed in Sephiroth's lap.

"SHIT!" Sephiroth yelled as he immediately got up. Yazoo and Loz were laughing.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay!" Kadaj said as he rushed up to Sephiroth.

"…Ow…" was all Sephiroth could say.

"Um? Can I get anything else?" Cloud asked.

"Ice" Kadaj replied.

"Right" Cloud said. He went back to the kitchen to get some ice. A few minutes later he returned. "Here! I got the ice!" he said. He took the ice and shoved it down Sephiroth's pants.

"SHIT!" Sephiroth screamed even louder than before.

"The service here is terrible!" Kadaj said.

"Sorry sir! Just give me one more try!" Cloud said.

"Fine…bring two soups…" Kadaj said.

"Two soups! Coming right up!" Cloud said. He disappeared back into the kitchen.

"This is just way too good of a prank!" Loz said.

"It seems a little cruel…I mean dumping hot tea onto Sephiroth's lap!" Yazoo said.

"Well yeah…but you gotta admit the reaction was priceless!" Loz said.

"…Well…Yeah I suppose you're right…" Yazoo laughed.

Loz was flinging random food at Kadaj and Sephiroth.

Later Cloud came out with two bowls of soup. He set them down without a problem.

"Well at least that's one thing you've done right…" Kadaj said.

"Can I take your main orders?" Cloud asked.

"Sure…Um…I'll have the spaghetti…" Kadaj said.

"…And I'll have the Lobster…" Sephiroth said.

"Right!" Cloud said as he went to the kitchen to give their orders. One of the waitresses stopped Cloud.

"Um…excuse me…but I don't recognize you…" she said.

"Oh…I'm uh…new here…" Cloud said.

"Oh…" the waitress said. "Well then welcome aboard!" she went on her way.

Later:

Cloud walked out of the kitchen carrying the dished of food. He walked over to Kadaj and Sephiroth's table.

"Okay…let's see…you had the spaghetti…and you had the swordfish…" Cloud said. He spilled the spaghetti over Kadaj's head and thelobster (which was still alive) was dumped onto Sephiroth's lap.

"WHAT! WHAT KIND OF RESTAURANT IS THIS!" Kadaj said.

"THIS ISN'T EVEN COOKED!" Sephiroth said. Cloud just started laughing so hard his sides started hurting.

"Okay! Okay! I can't take it anymore!" Cloud said. He took off the wig. Sephiroth's eyes grew wide.

"CLOUD!" he screamed. "YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Sephiroth started chasing Cloud around the restaurant. Yazoo and Loz stopped eating and uncovered themselves as well. They came up to Kadaj.

"So…nice prank huh?" Loz said.

"Huh?" Kadaj said as he looked at Yazoo and Loz. "YOU! YOU TWO WERE IN ON THIS TOO!

"Um…If we said we weren't would you still try to kill us?" Yazoo asked.

"Okay that mean you were!" Kadaj said. Loz and Yazoo started running. "GET BACK HERE!" Kadaj yelled after them.

To end this lets just say that Cloud, Yazoo, and Loz got beat up pretty badly, had to do all the dishes in the restaurant plus clean up the entire place and pay for all the damages while Kadaj and Sephiroth enjoyed a free meal.

DBF: Well that completes chapter five! Tell me what you thought in your review please! I would really love to know!


	6. the movies

DBF: HI ALL! I HAVE BEEN REALLY INSPIRED LATELY! SO YOU CAN EXPECT LOTS OF UPDATES NEXT MONTH! I HAVE MY SISTER TO THANK FOR MY INSPIRATION! SO THANKS MARIA-CHAN! WELL ON WITH THE STORY!

THE MISADVENTURES OF CLOUD AND SEPHIROTH

CHAPTER 6

THE MOVIES

One day Cloud and Sephiroth decided to go to the theater.

"Yippee!" Cloud said as he bounced down the sidewalk. Sephiroth rolled his eyes.

"Can you please stop that…You're embarrassing me!" he said.

"Aww!" Cloud said. "You're no fun!"

"You're right…I'm not…That's why I'm taking you to the movies…" Sephiroth said in an annoyed tone of voice.

"Yay! We're here!" Cloud said.

"Yes…Yes…Whatever…" Sephiroth said. He walked up to the window and purchased the tickets. Then they walked inside. They saw a young man standing by the place where they rip the tickets. The man's nametag red "Slayn."

"Good evening gentlemen…" Slayn said politely as he ripped the tickets. "That would be theater three on your right…enjoy the show…" Slayn handed the tickets back.

"Thanks" Sephiroth said.

"I gotta pee!" Cloud said jumping up and down.

"Then go baka!" Sephiroth said.

"Okay!" Cloud said as he ran into the women's bathroom. Sephiroth slapped his hand to his face and followed Cloud. Suddenly there were a bunch of screaming as women rushed out of the bathroom. Cloud went to the bathroom. After he was finished he examined the floor.

"Hey Sephiroth…Ever wonder why they checker these floors?" Cloud asked.

"Uh…Not really…" Sephiroth said.

"TO PLAY CHESS!" Cloud said as he randomly pulled out giant sized chess pieces and placed them on the floor like a real chess game.

"Whatever…look I'm gonna go get the food…" Sephiroth said.

"Okay!" Cloud said as he waved Sephiroth off. Sephiroth exited the bathroom.

Reno came into the theater on a pair of roller blades.

"Um…You came to work in…roller blades?" Slayn said.

"Yeah so…" Reno said.

"You know the boss is gonna kill you…" Slayn said.

"Hey…As long as I don't mess up I'll be fine!" Reno said.

"Heh…Good luck with that!" Slayn laughed. Reno roller bladed to the back counter. 

"Can I help you sir?" he said to Sephiroth.

"Yes…I'll have one bucket of popcorn and a large soda…" Sephiroth said.

"Okay!" Reno said. He got the popcorn. He suddenly slipped on a small puddle of butter fell. "Ahh! Shit!" Reno said. Then the popcorn bucket fell on his head and got stuck. He got up slowly and stumbled around. He knocked into the soda machine and soda dispensed all over him.

"What kind of theater is this?" Sephiroth asked himself.

"It's a fun place!" Cloud said. Sephiroth turned around to see Cloud playing chess on a bigger "chess board" in the lobby. Sephiroth sweatdropped. Rufus came in and saw Reno.

"What the hell are you doing?" Rufus said.

"Serving the public!" Reno said as he pulled the popcorn bucket off of his head.

Rufus sighed. "You're lucky I like you" he said. (Yes you can take that however you want) Rufus turned to Slayn. "Slayn?"

"Yes sir?" Slayn said.

"Your shift is up" Rufus said.

"You mean I can go home!" Slayn said.

"Yes" Rufus replied.

"WHOO HOO!" Slayn said while running around with his arms spread out like superman. Rufus sweatdropped.

"Come on Cloud we're outta here" Sephiroth said.

"No!" Cloud said. Sephiroth dragged Cloud out of the theater.

"No! My beloved chess board!" Cloud said as he reached out for it. Sephiroth just shoved Cloud into the car and drove off.

DBF: Well that's it for this chapter! Well Please review and tell me what ya think !


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